Santa is Missing
NORTH POLE - The North Pole officially confirmed reports today that Santa Claus — the North Pole’s most well-known and revered resident — is missing.
According to Jitters McWhiteknuckle, a prominent elf on Santa’s senior staff, Claus was last seen at a public appearance in Alys Beach, Fla.
“Obviously, we’re concerned,” said McWhiteknuckle. “Santa was photographed at Alys Beach enjoying cookies and hot cocoa with a number of children, but that’s the last time anyone has heard from him.”
World stock markets plunged on the news, with toy and gingerbread companies being hit the hardest. Bemoaned one toy company executive on the condition of anonymity, “First the China recalls, then the PlayStation 3 launch fiasco, and now this.”
Fortunately, The North Pole reports that Santa Claus was wearing a global-positioning tracking device. “He’s still somewhere in Alys Beach,” said McWhiteknuckle. “Of that, we can be certain.”
In an effort to further quell global fears, The North Pole has posted a reward for Santa’s safe return. All children visiting or living in Florida’s panhandle are asked to join the massive search that’s currently underway at Alys Beach, an otherwise quiet and peaceful beach town.
“Any good little boy or girl who helps us to find Santa will be rewarded,” emphasized McWhiteknuckle. “If you find Santa Claus in Alys Beach, please visit their Welcome Center on Scenic Highway 30A to report his location immediately. We’re counting on you!”