Viva la resolution!
Holding on to New Year’s resolutions is like dangling from a cliff as the sandstone crumbles beneath your fingertips.
And this is white-knuckle time.
Year after year, surveys show that half of the millions of people who make resolutions will break them before the end of January. A few more make it through February, but only one in five people will have stuck to their resolutions after six months.
Lose weight. Organize the house. Exercise more. Walk the dog. Turn off the TV. Quit smoking. Why do those resolutions to change things turn out to be so monumentally difficult?
“Resolutions are powerful rituals,” says Dr. Judith Orloff, a Los Angeles psychiatrist and personal energy expert. “And they are most successful when they are looked upon as sacred exercises in an accounting for your life.”
That might sound like pretty heavy stuff for a change you decided to make while wearing a party hat, drinking champagne and singing “Auld Lang Syne.”
But that’s the point, says Joe Hammock, a Colorado Springs, Colo., psychologist and life coach. “Many people don’t stop to ask what matters to them in life, and so they aren’t able to link their resolutions with their core values.”
Take, for example, losing weight. It’s OK to want to fit into those tight jeans, but the weight loss might take on more importance if, for example, it is also tied to values such as staying healthy to see your kids grow up or having energy to do good works at your church, Hammock says.
Making a commitment to yourself is the most important part of the process.
“You might tell your friends you are going to lose 10 pounds, but you can’t fool yourself. You really do know down deep whether you are going to do it or not,” Hammock says.
Although January is the traditional time for making resolutions, there’s no bad time to set goals — only bad goal-setting, says Renee Parker, a Colorado Springs psychologist and performance enhancement consultant who has worked with Olympic athletes, musicians and business executives.
An important part of the process, she says, is to realize that we aren’t perfect and that mistakes happen. “If you slip, be nice to yourself and move on,” she says.
Resolutions should be realistic and measurable. “If you can’t measure where you are headed, you are adrift,” Parker says. That means setting short- and long-term goals within the resolution.
Here are some other tips from the experts on how to keep those resolutions:
JOE HAMMOCK
Psychologist and life coach; www.thelifecoachinggroup.com
• Ask if the goal is consistent with your values.
• Visualize goals. If you want to lose weight, find a picture of a skinny person and put your face on it. Silly as it sounds, it helps.
• If you are struggling and ambivalent, take time to identify obstacles and map a plan to overcome them. It helps to weigh the benefits versus the cost to achieve the goal.
• Write down your goals and review them often. A Harvard University study found that people who kept resolutions were more successful in their profession and made higher salaries than those who did not.
RENEE PARKER
Psychologist and performance-enhancement coach:
• Break resolutions into small, manageable pieces. When you succeed with a step, reward yourself with something. It gives you confidence to keep going.
• Be aware that success isn’t always visible. For example, you might lose inches and not pounds.
• Be honest about stumbling blocks. Examine the secondary rewards you may be getting for hanging onto the unwanted behavior.
• Changing yourself can change the dynamics of your relationships with others. Be aware that your success can affect relationships positively or negatively.
• Re-evaluate progress. Are goals realistic and within reach?
• If you backslide, don’t berate yourself. Just learn from it and get back on track.
• Set an exercise goal, such as a charity walk or run, to get you motivated.
• Use cue cards and visual reminders daily to stay focused.
• Use positive language. Don’t say, “I can’t have this pie because I’m heavy.” Instead, say, “I don’t want this pie because I will feel healthier.” Also imagine how you’ll feel after you get past the momentary good taste.
• Get support from others. Join a group that is geared toward your goals. Take a class, join a club or start one. Individual or group therapy might be beneficial, depending on issues.
DR. JUDITH ORLOFF
Author of “Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress and Fear into Vibrance, Strength and Love.” www.drjudithorloff.com
• Hone intuition. Learn to sense people, emotions and situations that support your resolution — and those that sabotage it.
• Center yourself. When rattled by a negative person, sit comfortably, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Picture your breath flowing down through the earth and giving you energy.
• Tune into now: Spend an hour with a friend’s baby or young child; focus on breath and feel your pulse; consciously do one thing at a time.
• Imagine yourself on your deathbed, and make a list of significant moments in your life. It gets you back on track every time.
• Stop buffering. Consider how binge eating, smoking and other self- destructive behaviors might be unconscious ways to protect yourself against negative energy at home, work or school.
• Notice how anger, self-doubt and other negative emotions are present when you break a resolution. Learn to diffuse them.
• Identify things that motivate you or have the opposite effect. Gravitate toward inspiring people and situations.
• Savor the small moments. Feel the life force in everything you do, from your first morning stretch to your favorite song.
• Make a home retreat. Whether it’s a bathtub or candlelit corner, create a serene space when stress threatens to sabotage your resolve.
• Practice anonymous gift-giving. Get positive energy flowing back by dropping money on the street; leave chocolates for co-workers.
• Protect yourself from energy vampires. Identify people who try to suck the life force out of you. Learn self-defense strategies. Surround yourself with energizing people.